apparently the secret to your success is patron
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
