I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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