Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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