it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
