Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
