dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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