My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have demons in me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
