Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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