trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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