If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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