I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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