I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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