You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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