I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you mean i was at the winter classic?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
