plz talk dirty to me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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