I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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