dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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