Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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