What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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