It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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