I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
