Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
