I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will pee on everything he values.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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