I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The power of my boobs compel you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
