There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
