Screwed.edu
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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