i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
