so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
