I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
