i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
