Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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