GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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