We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
