i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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