hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
