what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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