I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
