I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
