so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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