she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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