i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
