The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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