Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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