I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
