he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
