No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
