If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
