Michael Bay diarrhea
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
