i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
