Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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