We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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