Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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