I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
