She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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