Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
