dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
