I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
