I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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