These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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