I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
