Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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