Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
