in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
