He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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