i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
