No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
